Quixotic
by MissAriannaDark
Summary: A bunch of one-shots about the Skulduggery Pleasant books.  No particular pairings. I do not own Skulduggery Pleasant or any of the characters in it.
1. Chapter 1: Born This Way

**This is so wierd.**

They stand in the middle of the room. The person there doesn't want anyone to find out about what they are going to do.

They slide there jacket and pants off and reveal a pink leotard and white leggings. They start to wonder if anyone is watching but quickly banish the paranoia.

The music starts playing and they sing along to the lyrics.  
>They dance gracefully along the floor and try their best not to feel self conscious.<p>

'I wonder how they would react if they knew about this...'  
>a voice in the persons mind questions.<p>

As if answering the unspoken thought the door burst open. 'uh oh' they thought.  
>There is an awkward silence between the two. A shocked skeleton stands in the doorway.<p>

"Erm Ghastly may I ask _why_ you are dancing around in your shop to 'Born This Way' by Lady Gaga?" asked a flabbergasted Skulduggery. Ghastly looks at his shoes before remembering the lyrics of the song.

He looks up to Skulduggery proud and confident.  
>"Skulduggery I'm on the right track baby I was born this way!" he sings the words before realizing what he has said. "I'll just leave you now." Skulduggery said quickly before bolting out the door.<p>

Ghastly continues on with his disturbing dance while Skulduggery now needs a therapist to help him forget those horrid moments of his life.

**Did you hate this? Did you like it? I am so sick. I can't believe I wrote this and I don't think Ghastly is gay. So I'm going to try and write these short pieces.**  
><strong>I won't write anything too bad :)<strong>  
><strong>(At least I hope I won't)<strong>  
><strong>Please review and give ideas or suggestions. Tell me if I could do something better please.<strong>  
><strong>Helpful criticism is welcome.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2: Sally's Song

**I do not own Skulduggery Pleasant or The Nightmare before Christmas.**

**I wish I did though...**

Valkyrie stood in her room all alone. She's been lonely these past few days. Skulduggery had left her to go on a case that was too dangerous for her to go on. 'He worries too much.' Valkyrie thought to herself.  
>'That doesn't change my feelings for him though' she thought sadly and a bit embarrassed.<br>To busy herself, she had watched a movie. 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' it was called. Valkyrie remembered the song Sally sang when Jack had left. She started to sing it.

"_I sense there's something in the wind,  
>that feels like tragedy's at hand.<br>Although I'd like to stand by him,  
>can't shake this feeling that I have.<em>" Valkyrie sang. She had a beautiful voice no one knew about. And why should they? Valkyrie is always saving the world and fighting so there was just no time for these silly little singing games.

Valkyrie continued on with her song. "_The worst is just around the bend  
>and does he notice my feelings for him<br>and will he see how much he means to me,  
>I think it's not to be.<br>What will become of my dear friend?  
>Where will his actions lead us then?<em>" Valkyrie knows that she could never have a romantic relationship with Skulduggery. Sure, she was up for it but Skulduggery was always so cryptic and mysterious. He could never return the love Valkyrie had for him. Or so she though at least.

"_Although I'd like to join the crowd  
>in their enthusiastic cloud.<br>Try as I may it doesn't last,  
>and will we ever end up together?<br>No, I think not, it's never to become  
>for I am not the one<em>" Valkyrie hit the last notes of the song magnificently.

She realized she could never be with Skulduggery. This reality hit Valkyrie hard. She sat on her bed just as a sparkling tear slid down her face.

**That was really short! So did you like it? Did you hate it? Please review, it will make my writing better if I know what should work on. Sorry for any errors or typos I may have forgotten :L  
>I got this idea when it wouldn't stop raining and my sister just couldn't stop singing this song.<br>I really love that movie :)**


	3. Chapter 3: Brick By Boring Brick

**So basically this is about how people think of Stephanie when she claims she is magic.  
>Ps: by the way be sure to check out Born2beawesome's story called: Angels Fall<br>really nice start if you ask me ;)  
><strong>

People think that Stephanie Edgley or as she calls herself Valkyrie Cain, is insane.  
>"Let me go!" Stephanie screams as they dragged her into the asylum. Stephanie was convinced that she had magic but her parents thought that she needed some time away.<p>

_**She lives in a fairy tale  
>Somewhere too far for us to find<br>Forgotten the taste and smell  
>Of the world that she's left behind<br>It's all about the exposure the lens I told her  
>The angles were all wrong now<br>She's ripping wings off of butterflies**__  
><em>

Stephanie remembered telling her parents about the world of magic. All the stories about a magical skeleton, fireballs and the end of the world just seemed too much for her dear parents.  
>They thought it would be best to get Steph some help.<p>

_**Keep your feet on the ground  
>When your head's in the clouds<br>Well go get your shovel  
>And we'll dig a deep hole<br>To bury the castle, bury the castle  
>Go get your shovel<br>And we'll dig a deep hole  
>To bury the castle, bury the castle<br>Ba da ba ba da ba ba ha  
><strong>_

'It has to be real.' Stephanie repeats the phrase in her head as if hoping the chant will get her out of this mess. And surprisingly Skulduggery realizes that he hasn't seen Valkyrie in days.  
>Skulduggery knows that Valkyrie is in trouble. He knows that she is trapped somewhere. Skulduggery has heard that Valkyrie told her parents about magic and they had sent her away to an asylum. He was gonna break her out.<p>

_**So one day he found her crying  
>Coiled up on the dirty ground<br>Her prince finally came to save her  
>And the rest you can figure out<br>But it was a trick  
>And the clock struck twelve<br>Well make sure to build your house brick by boring brick  
>Or the wolf's gonna blow it down<strong>_

_**Keep your feet on the ground**_  
><em><strong>When your head's in the clouds<strong>_  
><em><strong>Well go get your shovel<strong>_  
><em><strong>And we'll dig a deep hole<strong>_  
><em><strong>To bury the castle, bury the castle<strong>_  
><em><strong>Go get your shovel<strong>_  
><em><strong>And we'll dig a deep hole<strong>_  
><em><strong>We'll bury the castle, bury the castle<strong>_

"Valkyrie" Skulduggery says sadly when he saw her. He had been too late. This place had ripped her apart mentally and Valkyrie seemed to be taking it badly. Valkyrie was swaying from side to side and muttering things while her eyes did not adjust. She had crazy eyes. "I'm sorry dear Stephanie, I do not exist and I never came here. I have to leave you here so you can at least to try have a normal life. Goodbye dear." Skulduggery departs with a solemn tone.  
>"Goodbye Skelly! Bye bye bye!"<br>She cries out to him crazily.

_**Well you built up a world of magic  
>Because your real life is tragic<br>Yeah you built up a world of magic  
>If it's not real<br>You can't hold it in your hand  
>You can't feel it with your heart<br>And I won't believe it  
>But if it's true<br>You can see it with your eyes  
>Oh, even in the dark<br>And that's where I want to be, yeah**_

***8 months in the asylum***  
>"It's not real, it never has been dear. I'm glad you understand that now." the strict administrator addresses Stephanie with a curt nod.<br>"You are free to pack your belongings and leave as soon as possible. Goodbye." He turns back into his office leaving Stephanie in the gloom by herself. 'Free at last' thinks a, now sane, Stephanie Edgley.

_**Go get your shovel  
>And we'll dig a deep hole<br>To bury the castle, bury the castle  
>Go get your shovel<br>And we'll dig a deep hole  
>To bury the castle, bury the castle<strong>_

_**[x2]**_  
><em><strong>Ba da ba ba da ba ba da<strong>_  
><em><strong>Ba da ba ba ba da ba ba<strong>_  
><em><strong>Ba da ba ba da ba ba da<strong>_  
><em><strong>Ba da ba ba ba ba ba ba<strong>_

"Magic. What was I thinking?"  
>Stephanie scolds herself out loud. Stephanie knows she is lying to herself. She still does it though because it makes her feel as if that time in the asylum paid off. It's quite sad really.<br>But even the asylum couldn't make her forget about magic. Even though Stephanie did not remember specific details, she knew, deep in her heart and mind that magic did exist. Not even the asylum could make her forget.

**Okay so not the best story but I decided to post it anyway :P  
>The song is called: Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore. I don't own anything. <strong>

**Oh yeah and if you skipped my note at the top here it is again.**

**Check out Born2beawesome's story called: Angels Fall**  
><strong>Quite a nice start if you ask me ;)<strong>

**Ps: Review! Review! Review!**  
><strong>Please? :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4: Last Teleporter?

**I really don't understand this as I wrote it in the middle of the night :P**

Fletcher Renn is the last teleporter?

Ha. Sorry, I just _had _to laugh at that.

What a lie that is. That idiot is a disgrace compared to everything and everyone.  
>It's sick really. You see I am a teleporter as well. Fletcher Renn isn't and never has been the last teleporter.<p>

I don't have a name.  
>And why should I?<br>If everyone considered Fletcher to be the last of our kind then that makes me seem like a nobody. I'm invisible to everyone you see.

I don't want to come out publicly. At least not right now.  
>But when I do, you must prepare for the worst.<br>I have been working on developing my powers. I'm sure that I could beat that demented Fletcher Renn.

Ah, this is a bit strange for you no? Meeting the person that you'd never thought existed.  
>It's alright, I just want to hurt the 'last teleporter' that's all.<p>

After all, if I do kill him I would just get away because I'm a nobody and apparently I don't exist. All this thought of death is making me hungry.  
>I'll see you later...<p>

Riots and Blood,

- Nobody

**I seriously don't know where this came from.  
>My more sadistic side comes out at night so beware!<br>And will you please review?  
>It will only take a little time and won't cost you a dime!<br>(I feel like an advertiser)**


	5. Chapter 5: A Dare

**Uh oh. I'm writing again.  
>This should be good...<br>**

Valkyrie had dared him.

Valkyrie had dared Skulduggery to play Just Dance 2.  
>If he didn't get at least 5,000 points he would have to dress up as a bunny in a tutu and sing on the side of the road.<p>

Now of course the great Skeleton Detective could never back down from a challenge.

Valkyrie had selected the song "Hey Y'all" for Skulduggery to dance to. "The rules are simple enough. Just try to follow the person on the screen as if they were your mirror." Valkyrie was trying to instruct Skulduggery how to play correctly.

"Alright! Get ready in 3, 2, and 1!" Valkyrie yelled at him to begin and he did. Well sort of.

Let's just say that the song was a bit too fast for Skullduggery's liking.

"Um Valkyrie is there a slower version of this I can play?" Skulduggery questioned with a hint of worry in his voice.

"Aw is the great skeleton detective worried?" Valkyrie teased Skulduggery with a smirk.

'_Oh no she didn't!' _Skulduggery thought in a strange ghetto voice.

Skulduggery tried to get the moves. He really did, but they seemed too much for him.  
>The song finally ended, to Skullduggery's relief.<p>

"507 points" was read across the screen. Skullduggery's mood went from relived to horrified.

Now that would be great if it weren't for the fact that the average score would be at least 3,000 points. The highest you could get would be about 10,000 points and lots of people do get those types of scores.

And of course, Skulduggery had lost the dare (_or bet it's kind of the same thing for me_).

********************************************************************************  
>2 hours, a bunny suit and a tutu later...<br>*******************************************************************************

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"That was all Tanith and Ghastly said when they had seen Skulduggery.

Now Skullduggery doesn't have a face but anyone with a brain could tell he wasn't in the brightest moods.

"Now go outside and sing 'I believe I can fly'. Go on Skulduggery!" Cheered a very enthusiastic Tanith.

After that day, Skulduggery got very strange looks from people who had seen him on the street.

**I think Val just ruined Skullduggery's reputation :L**

**I would also like to know who actually reads this with a review.**  
><strong>So review please :)<strong>  
><strong>Suggestions are welcome too.<strong>


	6. Chapter 6: You're Gonna Go Far Kid

Valkyrie. Oh Valkyrie.  
>I see how the power is changing you. All your lies and deceptions these days are so overwhelming.<p>

But then again you are the "great" Valkyrie Cain aren't you?  
>You are the only exception to the rules we have built, huh?<p>

I guess I shouldn't be one to talk but it is tempting to see you suffer.

**_Show me how to lie_**  
><strong><em>You're getting better all the time<em>**  
><strong><em>And turning all against the one<em>**  
><strong><em>Is an art that's hard to teach<em>**  
><strong><em>Another clever word<em>**  
><strong><em>Sets off an unsuspecting herd<em>**  
><strong><em>And as you get back into line<em>**  
><strong><em>A mob jumps to their feet<em>**

**_Now dance, f**ker, dance_**  
><strong><em>Man, he never had a chance<em>**  
><strong><em>And no one even knew<em>**  
><strong><em>It was really only you<em>**

But, wow! Who knew you could have come this far? You have something special I know it.  
>It's not something to be played with. You have darkness in your heart. Let it be known kid.<p>

_**A**__**nd now you steal away**_  
><em><strong>Take him out today<strong>_  
><em><strong>Nice work you did<strong>_  
><em><strong>You're gonna go far, kid<strong>_

_**With a thousand lies**_  
><em><strong>And a good disguise<strong>_  
><em><strong>Hit 'em right between the eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>Hit 'em right between the eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>When you walk away<strong>_  
><em><strong>Nothing more to say<strong>_  
><em><strong>See the lightning in your eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>See 'em running for their lives<strong>_

All those grown men running from you! From a teenage girl!  
>The power that you hold is unbelievable dear. Why do you use it for "good"? You would do far better practicing with darker goals in your mind.<p>

_**Slowly out of line**_  
><em><strong>And drifting closer in your sights<strong>_  
><em><strong>So play it out I'm wide awake<strong>_  
><em><strong>It's a scene about me<strong>_  
><em><strong>There's something in your way<strong>_  
><em><strong>And now someone is gonna pay<strong>_  
><em><strong>And if you can't get what you want<strong>_  
><em><strong>Well it's all because of me<strong>_

_**Now dance, f**ker, dance**_  
><em><strong>Man, I never had a chance<strong>_  
><em><strong>And no one even knew<strong>_  
><em><strong>It was really only you<strong>_

_**And now you'll lead the way**_  
><em><strong>Show the light of day<strong>_  
><em><strong>Nice work you did<strong>_  
><em><strong>You're gonna go far, kid<strong>_  
><em><strong>Trust, deceived!<strong>_

No one trusts you anymore. Did you know that? You probably didn't, after all you are busy playing the good guy and going on detective work with your partner. I'd even bet that Skeleton doesn't trust you anymore.  
>At least after the all the Darquesse business, honey.<p>

_**With a thousand lies**_  
><em><strong>And a good disguise<strong>_  
><em><strong>Hit 'em right between the eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>Hit 'em right between the eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>When you walk away<strong>_  
><em><strong>Nothing more to say<strong>_  
><em><strong>See the lightning in your eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>See 'em running for their lives<strong>_

_**Now dance, f**ker, dance**_  
><em><strong>He never had a chance<strong>_  
><em><strong>And no one even knew<strong>_  
><em><strong>It was really only you<strong>_

_**So dance, f**ker, dance**_  
><em><strong>I never had a chance<strong>_  
><em><strong>It was really only you<strong>_

Why don't you just join us?  
>It would mean a new start for you. No more having to hide behind that mask that you always wore. Brave, noble, and of course 'good'.<p>

Consider it dear.  
>You can show your true colors.<br>Dark and malicious can sum it up, right?

_**With a thousand lies**_  
><em><strong>And a good disguise<strong>_  
><em><strong>Hit 'em right between the eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>Hit 'em right between the eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>When you walk away<strong>_  
><em><strong>Nothing more to say<strong>_  
><em><strong>See the lightning in your eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>See 'em running for their lives<strong>_

_**Clever alibis**_  
><em><strong>Lord of the flies<strong>_  
><em><strong>Hit 'em right between the eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>Hit 'em right between the eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>When you walk away<strong>_  
><em><strong>Nothing more to say<strong>_  
><em><strong>See the lightning in your eyes<strong>_  
><em><strong>See 'em running for their lives<strong>_

All your power, gone to waste.  
>Let Darquesse out.<br>It's her time now.

It absolutely _disgusts_ me to see you try to hold her back. Your body is rightfully hers.  
>Cave in, and you won't have to suffer life's problems anymore.<br>But you never listen.  
>Such a stubborn little brat.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>The song is called 'Your Gonna Go Far Kid' by The Offspring.<strong>

**I think this would be a remnant or someone evil like that trying to get Valkyrie on the "dark" side.**  
><strong>I'd like to know who reads this with reviews please.<strong>  
><strong>So please review :)<strong>  
><strong>Suggestions are welcome!<strong>


	7. Chapter 7: Sad

**Sorry for any mistakes…**

Skulduggery was speeding over to Gordon's mansion. He had received a frightening call from Valkyrie earlier that day.  
>He remembered the chilling tones...<p>

*****Flashback*****

"Skulduggery," a feeble voice called him.

"Valkyrie? Is everything alright?" Skulduggery questioned warily.

"Help me please! Please" Valkyrie's tone was so delicate and frail that one could compare it to thin glass.

The line went dead and Skulduggery practically flew to his car.

*****End Flashback*****

Skulduggery burst through the door and saw something that could've broken his heart, if he had one of course.

Valkyrie was strewn across the floor looking paler than a porcelain doll. She seemed to be choking on her own blood, but eventually started to just hack it up into a bucket waiting for her. Courtesy of the now frantic Skulduggery.

"Valkyrie! What happened? What's wrong?" Skulduggery was now helping her sit up. He handed Valkyrie a napkin to wipe her mouth.

"Skulduggery, I'm really clueless on how to tell you this but," Valkyrie tried to tell him but couldn't. She felt like it was a secret that needed to be kept a secret.

"Valkyrie, please tell me what happened." Skulduggery practically pleaded to her.

"I have cancer alright!" Valkyrie snapped but promptly fainted and fell into her mentor's arms.

When Valkyrie awoke, she couldn't remember a thing. Where was she? How did she get here? But most importantly who was she? The room she woke up in was a clean white and had neatly stacked papers on a side desk. 'Something you would expect a doctor to have' Valkyrie noted.

A walking, talking Skeleton entered the room.

Valkyrie thought she was in a dream, but quickly was proven wrong as she slipped into the welcome embrace of unconsciousness...

**Erm, I'm feeling quite sad/depressed as I've just found out one of my family members might have cancer. So you could leave a review if you want. Tips and suggestions are welcome.**


	8. Chapter 8: Clarabelle

**This is _really_ short.**

* * *

><p>Clarabelle is very strange girl.<p>

She is underestimated by others, silly, and cannot be trusted with the simplest of tasks.

Was this really Clarabelle?

Clarabelle is a very smart girl indeed. But she likes to have the element of surprise on her side. What do you mean, you may ask?

Well by playing dumb, no one could ever suspect that Clarabelle might be insanely evil. Clarabelle was insane, but in a different way than most people thought. She wanted to see the world collapse. Maybe not in flames, but perhaps with unicorns instead. Unicorns that would be black as night with a spike collar, and are able to breathe fire. And don't forget the glowing red eyes. Those are important too.

But Clarabelle will be Clarabelle, in her own little world where everything is sugar and gumdrops.

Who knows how she will live now, without Kenspeckle helping her out. As if she ever needed help. But the world is a terrible place. Even Clarabelle knows _that._

* * *

><p><strong>Did you guys check Derek's blog? Well, if you didn't I'll be glad to let you know that I was one of the lucky 10 (now 13) people that won the friend get friends competition. Yay and Stelka made me a pretty picture and a poem. The picture was very violent O.o<strong>

**Remember to review and leave some possible suggestions :)**


	9. Chapter 9: Mirror

**Valkyrie's point of view:**

I was in a pretty churchyard, with its cobblestone paths covered in a layer of fresh snow. I wasn't sure why I was here but I had no worries, for I could just stay here all day admiring it all.

Everything sparkled and twinkled, as if inviting me to destroy it all.  
>And that would certainly be an easy task to complete. The church stood tall and proud, like a strong soldier in battle. Always there and always standing tall, never letting anyone break them down. It was almost funny to think of how easy it would be to break it down, how enjoyable it would be as well.<p>

I turn around only to find someone else there. They are dressed in black like me, but I cannot see the actual articles of clothing. I cannot see a face either, but it doesn't bother me as much as it should. But I can't compare it to a remnant, for this being actually had a human like form. I can't understand why I am so calm about this, but I don't question it because the calmness brings me the strength that I crave.

I make a slight movement to the left, and the being moves to the right, as if it were mirroring my every move. I raise my hand, and so does the shape.  
>I carefully move towards it and it moves rewards me. I barely brush my hand against it's when all I feel is cold glass. Like there is a wall in between us. I pull back abruptly and it follows.<p>

I realize with a shock that I was staring into a mirror. My reflection, myself, _my_ inner demon.  
>I almost laugh at the irony.<br>I was staring at the vision in black, I was staring at the thing that all seers were scared to see, I was staring at _me_...

I wake up with sharp jolt, and I look at the clock: _'2:18 am'_ it read with its neon colors.

I gasp; my bottom lip wobbles, and then comes the tears. I start sobbing uncontrollably and it seems like forever until I finally stop and reflect on what happened.  
>It's all very startling to me, but I eventually go back to sleep.<p>

Before I was entirely asleep, somewhere in my mind, I know that Darquesse has finally managed to get a grip on me...

* * *

><p><strong><em>Don't ask; I was feeling horrible, just review please...<em>**


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